table for one please...

Amy and I got in tiff last night. It all started out with a simple question of "where do you see yourself in 5 years". It when down hill from there. It looks like we aren't going to be staying together. I know that we haven't been our best lately but I didn't think that it would be ending. I told her that I would be the one to move out but I don't know when. I have to get settled in my job first and actually be making some kind of money. She was okay with that. So, I have been feeling like shit all morning long, I knew that this was coming. That it was only a matter of time, I just didn't think that it was going to be last night. I feel relieved and scared and lonely and happy all at the same time. I just hurt so much inside because I still love her. The one thing that really frustrates me through all of this is that we never actually tried to make it better. Every time we would get in an argument we would make up and then just patch it over. I wish that we could have seen a therapist but Amy thinks that therapists are only out there to take your money and not help solve problems. Don't know what more to say about it... I just feel really shitty.

I know that I said I wouldn't get my personal life involved in this blog but I don't think that this one counts. It was too big. I need to get my mind off of that so I will tell you about knitting. I have been working on my zigzag scarf. I pulled the second skein apart to find the matching area to start with the old ball and I couldn't find it anywhere. I looked and looked and looked for about an hour and I couldn't find a semi decent join. It was the same dye lot but it just didn't match up. I found out on a website that even though it is the same dye lot doesn't mean that it is the same colorways. It does a gentle fade into new colors and I guess that it is really long. So, this second skein I have is a lot of red and fuschia and purple colors and the other one was mostly blues greens and yellows. Great huh?